rantings

Being a history graduate student is one of the most humbling experiences I have ever had. I leave classes feeling completely confused as to how I ever got here in the first place. Tonight's class was so frustrating - any time I attempted to put a coherent thought together it was either wrong or I was unable to articulate concepts that I understood but was unable to explain. I never take things far enough, and I am way too apt to accept that something relates without questioning why it relates or how it relates. A basic understanding of the tenets of a philosophy is not enough - here I am required to understand how those tenets relate to one another. It's hard...very hard.

I was also frustrated tonight by the fact that we were talking about an ideal-type of Calvinism, which I felt was Max Weber taking the theological premises of Calvinism and making conclusions on how people felt or acted as a result of believing those things. It's not that simple...not all Calvinists go through life terrified that they're not one of the chosen...I know, because I AM a Calvinist. I am not motivated by a need to prove my salvation, but rather by a desire to honor God. And further, my life is not about making money...and I understand that my theological beliefs are somewhat more complicated than the ideal-type that Weber laid out, but perhaps that's my problem in the first place... An ideal-type can only go so far in describing the complex motivations of people.