Love another, He said.
I don't know when things changed; all I know is that they changed. I stopped loving.
Selfish. Self-seeking. Self-centered.
It doesn't have to be this way.
I don't really know how to frame this story. Failure? Abandonment? Natural change?
I don't have the emotional strength for my life right now.
It's breaking me down. I'm not strong enough to face the undeniable abandonment. I'm not strong enough to reach out to the broken people in my life. I'm not strong enough to face the future without flipping out. I'm not strong enough to begin again the uncertain work of making friends.
He loved me before I loved Him.
I am struck by God's relentless love. Even as I weep at the loss of friends who have shoved me into the periphery of their lives, I shove God into the periphery of mine. Everything takes precedence to Him. I am consumed with what will make me happy, what will make things work best for me. My schedule rules me.
Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.
God forgive me, that which I decry in others is present first of all in myself.