What does it mean to live without hope? Why do I allow myself to dream of the future only in a "that will never happen to me" sort of way? Why must I constantly shut down hopes of grad school with statements about my lack of worth and the eventuality of me working retail or waitressing? Why cannot I permit myself to dream unhindered by rationalizations?

While finding joy in the present is good and right, I want to be able to hope for the future. Not because it will necessarily happen. But because it is what I want to happen. Holding onto my dreams with open hands, but holding them nonetheless, perhaps I learn to live with even more joy in the present.