America, nationalism, the Chicago World's Fair, and other similarly weird things

Today I learned something. Perhaps I should have known it before.

The 1893 World's Fair was held in Chicago. Previous to a class I'm taking right now on World's Fairs and spectacles, the only thing I knew about this particular fair was that Frederick Jackson Turner delivered a paper/speech about the ending of the American frontier.

Some additional things I have learned:
Context: America was determined to outdo France in this exposition - the Paris exposition of 1889 (which resulted in the Eiffel Tower) had been a really big deal, and Chicago was determined to outdo them. Go America! This fair was in 1893, and the fairgrounds were dedicated in October of 1892 - the 400 year anniversary of Columbus' discovery of America. So there was clearly some American nationalism going on here. Go us!

In the fall of 1892, the Pledge of Allegiance was written in its earliest form. It read "I pledge allegiance to my Flag and the Republic for which it stands, one nation indivisible, with liberty and justice for all." No "under God."

"Under God" was added in the late 1940s.

I find it really interesting that the Pledge seems to have come about the same time as American nationalism became a really big deal here... Sometimes I was under the impression as a child that the pledge always existed, and that the "under God" was from the founding fathers and that to take it out was to go against all that this country holds dear.

Actually, "under God" was a reference to Lincoln's Gettysburg Address. In addition, not all of the manuscripts of his speech included it.

Sometimes I really wish that American Christianity wasn't so tied to nationalism. It bothers me a great deal, actually. We have this idea that our country was founded on "Christian principles" and that if this is somehow found to be not true, our whole reason for existence crumbles into nothingness. In the course of my time as a training historian, if there's one thing I've learned is that "Christian" cannot always be equated with "the good guys." Christians were slave-owners. Christians accused, tried, and executed "witches" in the name of justice. Christians were exceptionalist, racist, exclusionary pigs. I no longer can with good conscience ascribe to the myth that America is somehow a "Christian nation" that God has blessed because we're so awesome. I simply don't believe it. I'm sorry.

I don't mean to upset anyone, but I think that the time for living in fear of finding out the truth needs to be done. I used to be completely terrified of discovering that the founding fathers weren't actually so "good" as we'd like to believe. I used to be terrified that if horrible things were done in the name of Christianity, then maybe Christianity's a farce. And I think that it's possible that this same fear paralyzes many Christians today.

You know, the funny thing about the founding fathers? In many ways, it appears that Thomas Jefferson was one of the leading "let's abolish slavery" guys (at least the most outspoken). He was a deist.

Also, why do Christian hymn books include patriotic songs? Especially the ones that are like...prayers to America. "My Country Tis of Thee?" Really? I mean...how is that in any sense worshipful? They kinda creep me out a little. I understand that people love their country. I love my country. I live here - it's my home, my culture. However, I am not okay with furthering myths about the "land of the pilgrim's pride."

I do like this verse of My Country Tis of Thee (added by an abolitionist):

My country,' tis of thee,

Stronghold of slavery, of thee I sing;

Land where my fathers died,

Where men man’s rights deride,

From every mountainside thy deeds shall ring!

And this one speaks for itself:

Let wailing swell the breeze,

And ring from all the trees the black man’s wrong;

Let every tongue awake;

Let bond and free partake;

Let rocks their silence break, the sound prolong.

I think it's good to pray for our country. But I think, for me at least, it stops there. God has blessed me. For whatever reason he has "blessed" this country (at least to some extent...this in itself ignores the poor and hurting that we seem to want to forget about). However, I refuse to entertain any idea of American exceptionalism, or American superiority. Because it's simply not true. I don't want to ascribe to that mentality anymore. I don't like thinking of our country as "blessed by God" because I find the whole idea of ascribing God's blessing to arbitrary political borders an odd concept. Sure, there have been lots of great Christian people who have lived here. But there have also been people who have committed atrocities in the name of a Christianity of sorts. (ironically enough, Columbus is a good example of this, and the Pledge of Allegiance was written for his anniversary)

I'll be okay if I never sing a patriotic song in a church building again.

"go into all the world and preach the gospel"

In this post I'm going to stay away from quoting Scripture...at least I'm not going to open my Bible and start quoting things. If something comes to my mind from memory, I may reference it (as I did in the title), but for the most part, I intend this to be a discussion of cultural beliefs, practices, and interpretations of the Bible rather than an actual Biblical analysis of the topic. Of course, I think a study of the Bible on this topic is much needed, and I intend to keep reading the Bible looking for answers to my question, but for this post, I want to discuss evangelical Christianity as a cultural force. So forgive me for my lack of specific Biblical support for my ideas.

Here's what I've been wondering about:

Before Jesus returned to heaven, he told his disciples to go into all the world and preach the gospel. He told them (and most believe all Christians) to baptize people and teach them to do all he commanded. This passage (at the end of Matthew if you're wondering) seems to be a core tenet of Christianity today. It's kind of our manifesto, our driving force. (at least idealistically)

I worked at a Christian summer camp for three years. There I was taught to "preach the Gospel." Romans road to salvation all the way. We received groups of campers every week and were to introduce them to Christ in explicit terms. I learned to share Christ with each camper I got, and I even led one through the sinner's prayer. Many rededicated their lives to Christ under my watch.

One of the hardest things about not working at camp after that was how much I missed the Christian "bubble." I missed my job description being to share Christ, because then it was easy. I was paid to share Christ. I was expected to do so. If I ever wanted to be a missionary, it was because I thought it'd be really cool to work with other Christians and have my job description be evangelism.

I went to a Christian college. Although I was stretched there, I didn't really ever have to "witness" to anyone, because most who went to school there were either saved or had been exposed to Christianity in very explicit terms already. If they weren't following God, it was mainly because they had chosen not to.

I think it's when I'm in completely secular environments when it gets more tricky. What exactly am I called to? What does going into all the world and preaching the gospel look like for me?

There seem to be two opposing camps, both of which have the ultimate goal of converting people to Christianity:
1) the make friends route. This basically states that I have to get to know someone before I can share Christ with them. It's not "preachy" at all. In fact, it's pretty passive. I sit around and wait for them to ask questions. I try to live my walk with Christ, but don't preach, unless asked.
2) the street corner route. This is a very overt approach to evangelism. Although not always taking place on a street corner, it does involve overt evangelism. It means me initiating conversations about God. It probably involves me telling people they're wrong.

Here's the problem. I tend to think in black and white terms much of the time, and I don't really like either of these approaches. The make friends route, in my experience, seems to get me nowhere. My friends don't ask, because they are not interested. So I don't tell. Sure, I live my life, and it's fairly obvious I'm a Christian. However, not much more than that happens. The street corner route tends to come off wrong most of the time. As much as I want to admire people who have the guts to walk up to people and lay it all out there for a complete stranger, I've also heard plenty of non-Christians be either offended, annoyed, or amused by such tactics.

Last fall I wrote a paper on Canadian Protestantism's creation of an "other." Basically what this entailed was me being entirely cynical in my approach to Canadian Protestantism, pointing out a bunch of different ways in which Canadian Protestants identified other groups as "others" and in one way or another ostracized them. These groups include (but are not limited to) young people (rebellious as always), Jews, Catholics, First Nations (the Canadian equivalent of Native Americans), the working class, blacks, etc etc.

Here's my quandary. I want to be super offended that these Christians ostracized these other people (and in many cases my offendedness would be completely on base in all respects). At the same time, I've been taught my whole life to "other" other people. Those bad Catholics, those people who clearly aren't working hard enough and so it's their fault they're poor, those Democrats, etc. And even more generally, and perhaps more applicably in the case of this particular blog topic, those non-Christians. My entire life I've thought of anyone who doesn't think and believe like me as an enemy. Maybe not an enemy in the sense that I need to hate them or go kill them. But definitely an adversary. Something to be defeated. And I understand where this comes from. Christianity (and in this case Protestant Christianity or even Evangelical Free Church Christianity) tends to make claims to absolute truth. I believe that Jesus was fully man and fully God, and that He came to earth, died for sins, rose again, conquering sin and death. I believe that my only hope for salvation rests in Him. I believe this isn't my home. I believe all those things as my absolutes. So it would logically follow that I need to do whatever possible to bring people into the kingdom.

HOWEVER...what if we're doing this the wrong way? What if Democrats aren't always evil? What if capitalism and democracy are not absolutes? And, more specifically, what if our methods of evangelism do not resonate with this culture? What if "onward Christian soldier" is not the correct way to approach evangelism? What if life isn't a battle field? What if it's not about slaying the enemy, not about "winning?" What does it mean for me to be a Christian who believes in the absolute truth of my belief system in a world that rejects absolutes? What does it mean to love? When do I speak, and when do I remain silent?

I love Jesus more than life, and I want nothing less than for everyone I know to love Him as well. I want my friends to know the hope I have...I want that more than anything. And yet, I remain silent. It's a constant battle for me...I flip flop between feeling really guilty, feeling really powerless, and feeling like I'm doing alright.

Jesus said I'd be hated because of Him. Am I hated? If not, should I be? Jesus told me to follow Him. What does that mean? Does that mean I adopt his style of preaching, his lifestyle, and follow him down the road of being hated?

At the end of the day, I think it does. I mean...obviously, I need to be willing to be hated in a way that does not involve me hating, that does not involve confrontation or a me vs. them mentality. This is no doubt the single hardest thing for me to do. Not only because I'm human and imperfect, but because I'm also perhaps the biggest people-pleaser to ever walk the earth. I hate hurting people, I hate disagreeing with them. I like it when everyone can agree. I'm timid, passive, and I am not bold. I'd much rather write this blog post than actually talk to someone about Christ. God forgive me for this. God forgive me for failing to do and say and be all that God wants.

God, take me. Take all of me. May I be broken and spilled out every day, may I follow You in all the ways You would have me do so. May I be willing to walk the hard road - not because life is a battlefield and the lost the enemy, but because I can do no less than share the hope and peace You offer me with the world. May I love in Your name, may I live in Your peace and love, may I give my all to the furtherance of Your kingdom.

not a post about my busy life

I have decided that I don't want to go grocery shopping until May. It's currently April 21 and I have not been grocery shopping since March 25th ish. Before you start thinking I'm starving, I'm not. However, this decision may prove to have an interesting effect on my eating habits.

Like today for example. I have all but run out of things to pack for lunches (unless I want to make my asian helper stuff, which I've been too busy to make), so today's lunch is the most pathetic combination of cereal, marshmellows, and peanuts that you've ever seen. A not very yummy trail mix, if you ask me. (no raisins or chocolate :( )

Yesterday I ate like a queen though. I made a patty melt (unfortunately I won't be able to make many more of those for several reasons...first, that's really unhealthy, second, I only have one slice of cheese left. Third, I'd run out of hamburger really quickly). I must say, though, using ground beef to make hamburgers instead of those premade ones you can get at grocery stores was a good plan. It was the moistest, thickest burger you've ever seen. And I sauteed some onions and grilled some bread and melted some cheese and it was out of this world. Ugh, I need to stop talking about that patty melt - my trail mix doesn't quite measure up.

I used the last of my milk yesterday. I may have to cave and buy a gallon of milk - a lot of the stuff I have left requires milk (like my hamburger helper). Then again, it may be a fun challenge not to. And, with Easter coming up I'll have a day where I don't deplete my dwindling groceries.

Here's what I do have:

• a loaf of bread, and two slices remaining of a second loaf
• 6 eggs
• one slice of cheese
• a couple potatoes (although they're super old and might not be good anymore - I haven't looked at them for almost a month)
• some onions
• a tiny bit of salsa
• a bag of tortilla chips
• a few bags of spaghetti noodles
  
• 1.5 jars of alfredo sauce
• one huge jar of spaghetti sauce and half of a smaller one
• like 13 cans of tuna (I kid you not-it was on sale)
• some frozen french fries
• a few canisters of oatmeal (although I don't know how I feel about making oatmeal with water)
• maybe 2 servings of frozen peas
• can of corn
• can of mixed veggies
• like 3 cans of random beans that i'd never eat by themselves
• a bunch of white rice
• peanut butter (1.25 jars)
  
• a tiny bit of jelly
• bisquick (but kinda pointless because I ran out of syrup a few days ago)
• cherrios and some other kind of cereal
• a few boxes of hamburger/tuna helper and a few boxes of asian helper
• a couple tortillas and a box of hard taco shells (haha, little good that'll do me)
• hot chocolate to feed an army
• tea to feed an army
• coffee to feed an army
  

See? I won't starve, I promise. Although my current inventory is not exactly thrilling.

I'm looking forward to May.

yay church! and yay people!

I love church. So much, in fact, that I currently attend two. I leave my actual church and drive downtown just in time to catch the second service at Redeemer Church. I kinda came to the realization of "why not?" I don't really have a life outside of school, I don't have a family here, I don't have a whole lot of commitments, and I realized that there's nothing keeping me from attending another church.

I love it. There are a ton of young people my age, and yet they sing hymns and very lyric-heavy songs that tend to be slower in nature. They sing three songs, have a sermon, and then sing three songs. They do communion every Sunday.

The pastor that I've heard both times I have been there is currently preaching through Nehemiah. (There must be another pastor because I skipped last week and yet the pastor that I heard the first time was preaching again this week and picked up right where he left off the last time I was there - which made me feel a lot better about not being there last week; I was super bummed that circumstances did not allow me to go last week.) This morning he talked about the importance of mourning one's sin, but that God is a God of grace and that we must not wallow in our sin - for to do so puts the emphasis on us instead of God. It was really powerful and challenging.

Actually, I very much recommend church-hopping. It's incredibly fun, actually. I am able to spend twice the amount of time in dialog with God, and I'm able to experience such a wide variety of worship. I play piano at my normal church, and so it's nice to have a break from that. Plus, I get to hear two sermons, sing twice as many songs, and meet a bunch of Christians I wouldn't otherwise meet. Good stuff. :)

Sadly enough, I won't be able to go next week, as they are combining their services into one that falls at the same time as my regular church. My regular church isn't having a Good Friday service, though, which kinda bummed me out...so I was really really happy to hear that Redeemer is having a Good Friday service! Easter is my favorite season, and I'm so glad that I won't be missing out on half of it. :)

God is good. I love how he brings a new place and new people into my life just at the right times. I love how He provides friends for me at the most random of times and shows me His love through countless selfless acts on the part of people who I've only known for 7 months. I love that I have the opportunity to invest (at least for now) in two churches, and I love that I am so privileged to serve such a good God who bestows gifts on someone so undeserving as me.

dun dun dun

I really miss home. It makes me really sad and feel like a horrible family member and friend that I don't have any current plans to go back until after I finish my masters. It makes me feel sad because I really miss everyone. I miss being involved in their lives, and I miss having a group of people who know and love and support me.

And yet, moving here is the best thing I've ever done. Not because I necessarily have plans to stay here for the rest of my life, but because it stretched me and grew me. Because it taught me so many things and made me so much stronger.

I've changed a lot being here. I've become a lot less nominally Republican, a lot less naive, a lot more culturally aware, and a lot more comfortable with public transportation. And as I watch the world go up in flames around me (or at least that is what some believe), I am thankful for the night and day difference between my home town and my current town. Growing up Republican and living in a Democrat city (if things can be characterized in such a black and white manner) has taught me the wisdom of refusing to take a side. Being willing to listen to "those crazy liberals" has taught me to appreciate the ways that Republicans have gone wrong. Being from a Republican place has taught me to appreciate the ways that Democrats have gone wrong. To refuse to be a Republican because they're crazy, and to refuse to be a Democrat because they're crazy.

Maybe the revolution will come next year. Maybe never. Maybe the end is near, maybe it's still centuries or millennia away. I'm just trying to be faithful in what I know. To be faithful in following God here and now. To be faithful to the people He has given to me, and to the beliefs I have come to hold dear. That's the only way I know how to live. I could start freaking out about all the "crazies" out there and their antics, but to do so would be to go against how I believe God has called me to live - not borrowing trouble from tomorrow.

"I need a voice bigger than mine..."

What does it mean to love? What does it mean to fulfill the Great Commission? What is humility? What is grace? What is purity? These are the questions I am wrestling with as I muddle my way through this thing called life. It can be exhausting sometimes to be the only one, to feel silenced by a power structure in which the tables are turned and I'm at the bottom. It's hard to live in a world where I'm not understood, and where my ideas about the way the world works are not understood or welcomed.

And yet, Christianity's not supposed to be about power. It's not supposed to be about me, and it's not supposed to be about being right. It's not about politics, and it's certainly not about deception. True Christianity is offering myself up for the One who offered Himself for me. May I learn more each day to die to myself, because only there will I find true life.

Survivor: Redemption Island

I have been a fan of Survivor since its inception over ten years ago, and I've seen a lot of schemers pass through. I've also seen quite a few Christians attempt to play the game. I must say, though, that I have rarely been so impressed by a player as I have this season.

This season is Survivor: Redemption Island. Basically what this means is that when someone is voted out, they don't leave the game for good. Rather, they are sent to "Redemption Island" and when another person is voted out the two duel to determine who remains in the game. The next episode, the winner of the first duel faces off against the next person, and on down the line until the merge, when the surviving duelist rejoins the game.

Redemption Island is not the only aspect of redemption this season: this time two players from previous seasons returned to have another chance at winning the game. One was voted out very quickly in the season, and the other, Rob, is still in the game. He is very obviously an all-star - his strategic/manipulative abilities are very superior to anyone else in the game - his entire tribe is at his beck and call.

The second episode, a guy named Matt was voted off of the island as a result of Rob. Matt is one of those players who comes into the game being very obvious about his Christianity. He made no attempt to hide what he believed, and made no attempt at deceit or treachery. I always get really nervous when Christians act this way - many times they either are or are portrayed as hypocrites and end up making Christians look like fools. Matt was somehow different. He was very clear about God wanting him on Survivor, which made me nervous, but it somehow rings true.

His downfall came when he congratulated the opposing tribe at a challenge for winning. Rob immediately assumed he was betraying his tribe, and coerced his tribe mates to vote Matt out. Of course, Matt got sent to Redemption Island, and proceeded to win all six duels. This week, he rejoined the game as the tribes were merging. His former tribe had a numbers advantage on the other tribe (7 to 5 with Matt), but the other tribe immediately approached Matt to join their side. He considered their request, but ultimately felt that he needed to remain loyal to his former tribe (Rob and co.) even though they had betrayed him. He approached Rob and told him about this - how he had been offered a final four deal from the other tribe, but had decided to stay with Rob. Rob, being the all-star Survivor that he is, interpreted this as "I'm flipping" and immediately made plans to vote Matt out. Matt had no idea it was coming, and loyally voted for who Rob told him to. Matt was voted out, and sent back to Redemption Island.

I do not think I have ever been so emotionally affected by a Survivor episode as I was last night.

Over the years, Survivor has become more and more cutthroat. I remember back in the day, when people made alliances and stuck to them, or even when people were voted out based on merit rather than an alliance. People thought even alliances were dishonest and bad game play. That quickly lost to a more cut-throat style, though, and now the only way to survive the game is to have several alliances and be an expert liar.

Matt is the very antithesis of that. He came into the game wanting to get to know everyone, and wanting to be absolutely honest at all times. He has done that, and twice it has won him an early dismissal at the hands of Rob. The saddest part is that if Rob was able to understand that when Matt says he's with him, he's with him, Rob would realize that Matt is the absolutely best sort of ally to have. And yet, he is blinded to Matt's purity of heart.

When Matt got voted out last night, I found myself hoping that he does not survive another round of Redemption Island. He was betrayed and was obviously very affected by that. His presence on the show exposed very clearly what kind of people play that game. His innocence, naivety, and honesty left him entirely vulnerable. And yet, that is what God calls us to do. To be vulnerable, to be honest and loyal no matter the cost. To love without reservation.

Matt has said several times that he just wants God to use him. That he's willing to go as far as God wants him to, so that God can receive all the glory. And for perhaps the first time in the history of the show, I truly believe that last night, God was glorified. In a heart-breaking way, Matt exemplified the real story of Redemption. In a similar way, Jesus entered a world that did not understand his love, his honesty, his goodness. They misunderstood him, they crucified him...and yet, he forgave them. He was loyal to them at all costs, and he offered them a place as sons and daughters in the kingdom of God. He rose again, and he offers redemption to all who recognize and serve Him.

Thank you, God, for using Matt to make me think, and for reminding me what my calling is as a believer in a world that has rejected the only One who offers any real hope of redemption.

phi alpha theta

Life has resumed a certain emotional normalcy. That's the nice thing about being a girl - even when I'm super upset about life in general, in the back of my mind I usually am able to remind myself that this, too, shall pass. I realized today that it's really going to be ok. And for the first time I think I might truly be okay with the idea of letting what will happen happen. I'll try my best to get a job, but if I don't, that's okay too. I'll have three months of solitude and study time, and it will be good. After all, I'm saving over $200 a month starting in September, so I'll make back the money I will lose this summer through not having a job. I'll make awesome progress on my research for my thesis, and maybe even have time to read other stuff. I'll spend lots of time going on long walks, having good conversations, and maybe making some friends. :) I still want a job though. Haha.

Tomorrow I leave for Seattle for two days. The history department is headed to a student conference. I'm presenting a paper about Canadian Protestantism and their tendency to create an "other." I finished revising it today. I was pretty much dreading presenting it - I basically signed up the paper not really liking it, and got really embarrassed that I had signed up at all, and lost all my self confidence and started freaking out... and today I realized that this, too, is something I need to not worry about. If it's bad, it's bad. But it probably won't be the worst paper there. There's always that. :)

Not gonna lie, I'm not really looking forward to being gone for two days. I have a lot of homework already (yeah, it's early in the quarter, but I've found the end of the quarter is usually less work than the beginning) and I'm nervous about what having two days away is going to do to my ability to succeed. I'm planning on sitting in the hotel room working on homework as much as possible - even if it turns me into a huge loser that everyone laughs at.

I have a German test on Monday, a research paper biblio and outline due Tuesday, as well as 60 pages of a rather dense book, two books due for Thursday, one of which I have to write a five page book review on and one of which I have to lead discussion for. Suffice it to say...I may lose my mind before next Thursday evening. :)

...blech...

Life as of late has been hard. Nothing overly specific has happened, but it has just been a really discouraging few weeks in general. I've been repeatedly confronted on every front with reminders of my failure, and I find myself often wondering what I'm doing with my life. I mean, I'm here...but the future is always looming, and it's so hard to stay in the present and be okay with the present.

I'm tired. Being brave takes so much energy, and it's like I ran out of energy about a week ago. I am afraid of my mediocrity and failure, afraid that it is going to land me with a masters' degree but nothing to show for it. I'm afraid that I don't belong here, that it's some sort of joke that I ended up here. I am constantly surrounded by brilliant people, and after a while I begin to wonder what I really have to offer. My grades, papers, everything is mediocre...and mediocrity isn't going to get me a PhD or a job. It'll just get me a job at Walmart. If I can even get that.

Not only am I stressed about school, but I am having trouble finding a job, which also reminds me of my failure. On top of that I find myself often stressed about leading worship team at church... not to mention that I live by myself in a random apartment in a random city in a random state thousands of miles away from home. As much as I wanted to be a social butterfly and make tons of friends, have a wonderful social life, be incredibly successful academically, meet "the one," fall hopelessly in love, and never have to be alone again, that just isn't how it works. My personality makes it hard for me to make friends, and my geography makes it hard for me to relate to the people around me. Furthermore, my mediocre intellect makes it hard for me to be anything but mediocre.

Really the last thing I have wanted to do is to talk about this. I don't want sympathy, I don't want concerned relatives or friends, I don't want any of that. This is something that sympathy will not help. I just need to...get over it. It's mostly in my head, and I need to refocus my emotions...I need to get over my pride...I need to remember why I'm here in the first place. The whole premise of this post is so flawed. But I needed to air all the thoughts anyway, if only so that I can realize what is so wrong with the way I'm thinking. Life isn't a competition, it's not always about success. No one will hate me but myself if I'm not a straight A student, and life will most definitely go on in one way or another after this. And I like living alone. I do. Sometimes. :)

I'm not gonna lie, though, for the first time I have started counting down to when I can leave Bellingham. Unfortunately, that's still 14 months away...at least.

church hopping

This morning I church-hopped. Church at North Shore gets out at 11:20 - just enough time to drive downtown and arrive by 11:30. This morning I visited this church called Redeemer Church. Check them out here:
http://redeemernw.org/index.php

Some background:
I love my current church. They have a heart for the lost, a heart for God, and a heart for each other, all of which are really important to me. Lately, though, I've started to feel restless. Small groups ended a few weeks ago and aren't starting up again until October. Frankly, I can't go that long without being plugged in somewhere in the middle of the week. I don't live in Christian community like I did in college, and I don't have an established group of friends here to depend on. So, a month or so ago, I attended a prayer service at another church in town. Although I really liked the church and the people, the prayer service was definitely directed at members, and the normal worship service fell at the same time as North Shore's. So I knew I wouldn't be going back there. This past week I was googling small groups or Bible studies or young adult groups or anything I could find that would be able to act as a way for me to connect with Christians in the middle of the week. I discovered Redeemer. Coincidentally, they have two services, and one falls at the exact time that I am driving through downtown anyway on my way home after church.

I loved it. The worship was refreshingly different than most anywhere I've been before, but in a good way. They played a lot of hymns and their band was very piano driven - they didn't even have a drum set. And the sermon was....really really good. I was moved and challenged in ways I haven't been in a long time. And, best yet, they have what they call "gospel communities" that meet during the week. They seem to be very missions minded - their gospel communities are not only a group of believers that meet together weekly, but they also focus specifically on outreach to the community.

Also, at one point one of the elders had people raise their hands if they were married. (as part of an illustration for something completely unrelated) Most weren't. :)

I'm definitely not planning to leave North Shore. But I am planning to get as involved as possible with Redeemer.

job hunt update

I got a phone interview! Not for any of the before-mentioned jobs, but for another student painting job that I applied for yesterday. And, don't get too excited - this is just a preliminary phone interview and then they decide if they want to bring me in for a real interview.

I've had a cold for a few days - more of a nuisance than anything, but I was quite concerned about my voice holding out my interview tonight. I woke up this morning without a voice, feeling better except for the lack of effective vocal chords. Thankfully my voice returned within a few hours, and I should be able to talk for said phone interview this evening.

In general, I'm trying to relax about the whole summer job thing - I've realized how much harder it is to get a job in a strange town where people don't know me. I think sometimes in Beresford I was able to easily get a job because people knew me...at least knew of my reputation. Not that I was popular, but I had a reputation as a conscientious student, musician, and Christian (which came in handy in small-town SD). I had friends and contacts that made getting a job much easier than here, where people don't know me from Adam. I'm trusting that if God wants me to get a job, He'll provide, but it is nerve-wracking. On the other hand, if I don't find a job, it's not the end of the world. I have a thesis to write next year, and being able to devote all of my time to that over the summer would probably make it very simple to graduate next spring, thus saving me a ton of money on that end. I have more than enough in savings to get me through the summer, so I'm trying not to worry about it too much. What will be will be.