for the words that built castles

I'm a word person.  From a toddler into adolescence and beyond, I was trained in words - trained to talk and sing, to read and then to write.  My Sunday School training turned that training in words into a spiritual vocabulary of sorts.  This vocabulary earned me favor.  I could find the verses faster and answer the questions more accurately, and later I could do the Bible Instruction Class homework more faithfully.  I was a pro with words.

My words built castles.  Evidence of salvation is found in one's fruit, and my fruits were my words.  I constructed elaborate palaces and fortresses of sung and spoken and written words.  I was a Christian, and my language proved it.

And then I was a small fish in a big pond of words with which I was not familiar.  The words latched onto my soul and drug it to the bottom of the pond.  I struggled against the words, casting them off just in time to fight my way to the surface.

And then I learned that writing was the best kind of therapy.  This place is a whole kingdom of words.  Words that have propped up my dying soul, words that have temporarily revived me and that have disguised the truth of the matter.

The truth is, words are often all I have.

~~~

Jonathan Martin writes of his vocation as a pastor, saying "all my favorite words are dying."  As soon as they are out of his mouth, they die.  Evidence of his kingdom crumbles with the evaporation of the sound into the atmosphere.  For him this is difficult because he can't see evidence of the power of his words.

My words die too, and it's probably for the best.

My dead words remind me that my salvation does not hinge on my words.  I could never sing, speak, or write a word and if I would only love, it would be enough.  If I would only serve, it'd be enough.

Only when my words serve my neighbor, only when my words love are they enough.  My tongue is powerful, the pen is too, but not because the words will be remembered.  These implements of language are powerful because they either build or destroy something much more tangible: the kingdom of God.