Growing up, I didn't have a lot of rules. I was a self-regulating kid, as I like to describe my high school self, and I had no interest in alcohol or parties, in smoking or in boys. I committed to not dating in high school and never wavered. I never had a curfew, was never grounded. Quite honestly, I spent my high school years either at a church activity or holed up in my room reading Christian historical fiction.
I went to college and continued self-regulating according to the model of piety with which I was raised. I turned 21 with little fanfare - I continued abstaining from alcohol. I don't recall ever intentionally breaking the fairly strict rules my Christian college set up for communal living. The most rebellious thing I did was sleep in instead of going to church half of the time. I didn't really ever connect with a church family in college.
I do remember, though, going back for my third and final summer of camp counselling after my freshman year of college. I was nineteen years old, had lived a year on my own, and didn't really enjoy my last summer at camp. I chafed at "lights out" on the weekends, I disliked being treated like a high schooler. It was hard to live under someone's authority. I was a responsible adult and wanted to be allowed to make my own decisions about things like when I went to bed.
I preferred living at home during the summers. My parents trusted me and didn't really have rules for me. It was great. (Except that I didn't have a bedroom anymore and lived out of a dresser in the hallway, but that's neither here nor there).
I moved to Washington and there I grew up. The questioning I did in college and had thought I'd mostly resolved caught up with me and I began looking at my faith through different eyes. My faith was both stronger and less pious. About a year in to my graduate program, I decided to try drinking. So I began to drink socially. Well, actually, I first drank hiding in my room by myself (more on that later).
I can't even begin to tell you how that experience changed me. I became so much less judgmental, if only in that area, and so much more laid back. I learned that one drink does not impair my judgment, does not make me unfit for society, and sometimes alcohol just tastes good.
I just want to say something. I have never been drunk in my life. There have been moments where I approached the limit, but I always stopped shy of drunkenness. If I hadn't, though, the world would still be revolving around its axis.
I wish someone had told me these things when I was growing up. I wish I had had role models in my life who loved Jesus and who sometimes had a glass of wine with dinner. Not because I ever turned into a crazy party-er or because I was ever overly rebellious, but because if I had known from the start that used appropriately, alcohol can be a morally neutral activity, I would have done so much less judging, so much less assuming. I was afraid of alcohol. And, in the end, alcohol has no power over me that I don't let it have.
The Bible says don't get drunk with wine. I believe this is very wise counsel. There are good reasons to avoid drunkenness. We should always exercise self control in order to give Jesus every part of us. If at any point alcohol becomes an addiction or a source of dependency on something other than God, it is a problem.
Last summer, I stopped drinking. Since then I have had two drinks, both in social contexts where I felt it was the polite thing to do. I stopped drinking because I was trying to save money, exercise self control (prove to the skeptics - and if I'm honest, I was my biggest skeptic - I could not drink and be fine) and I don't really appreciate the taste of wine or beer all that much anyway. Do I plan to never drink again? Absolutely not. I have no idea what I'll do in the future. I'm not afraid of alcohol, though.
I have something I'd like to say. I know I'll likely be dismissed by many as misguided. I know that this opinion of mine puts me at odds with many in my church family (and biological family). But it's really important to me, so I'm gonna say it.
I am coming to firmly believe that when we say we "don't want to cause other believers to stumble by responsibly enjoying a glass of wine with dinner or out with friends," that this is ridiculous logic. In my teetotaler days, my faith was not impacted by my Christian friends who drank responsibly. I didn't not believe in Jesus anymore, I didn't even waiver in my beliefs in regard to alcohol. You know what I did do, though? I judged them.
They weren't as good of Christians as me, obviously. They weren't as strong, obviously. They were drunks (I had no concept that one drink does very little in the way of intoxication), obviously. They had compromised their beliefs, they were not a good witness, etc., etc., etc.
Then I attended a small group in Bellingham where they'd have beer AT SMALL GROUP. That was shocking. No drunkeness. Only lots of good discussion about God, deep study of the Word, and memorization of Scripture. Those people loved Jesus passionately, and it showed in the results of their ministry.
Then two of my closest friends drank. They both love Jesus, arguably more faithfully than do I.
Then I had a glass of wine in my room in my house at Bellingham, by myself, terrified I'd end up drunk and do something stupid. I didn't become drunk. I didn't do anything stupid.
And my world was forever changed.
So when I hear rumors of church legislation of drinking alcohol, it just makes me really sad. Sad because in my opinion these rules are based primarily in fear and in judgment and in a dependency on piety as the way "they'll know we are Christians." Sad because silly rules like this are driving many away from the Church and away from church ministries and in my opinion this shouldn't be a thing. The "thing" should be whether we love, whether we act on behalf of our neighbor.
You know what makes me the saddest?
My opinion on the consumption of alcohol could very well divide me from my brothers and sisters.
Maybe I shouldn't even post this if it will very possibly act as a divide. But I do believe that the end justifies the means. This is important to me.
Let's teach our kids to love Jesus, and to love Him through responsible choices. Let's teach kids not to judge the merit of someone's faith on their acts of piety, but rather on how well they love. Better yet, let's stop judging the merit of others' faith at all.
It's like a friend said today: Christians teach abstinence before marriage. When I heard about married people having sex as a kid, that didn't make me think that I was supposed to have sex. I understood that sex had an appropriate expression, and that was within the context of marriage. Did some kids have sex in high school or before marriage? Sure. Does that mean all married adults should never have sex? Of course not.
I think kids are smart.
They'll make their own choices. Let's model healthy ones. Whether that means drinking a glass of wine with dinner every once in a while, or whether that means never drinking at all, it doesn't really matter. But let's teach them principles that will enable them to make wise, healthy decisions.
Note: I of course recognize that drinking even one glass of wine in front of an alcoholic is a bad plan. Again, I stress the importance of making wise decisions based on whether or not the context is appropriate.
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