for the panicky days

You took the boat back today, my love.  I dreaded this day for so long, but when it came time for this day to actually come, I was actually okay with it.  Or so I thought.  Tomorrow night you will be stuck on the boat.  It's just for a night.  Just one night.  I have other plans tomorrow anyway, I might not have even been able to see you.  At least not for long.

But I can't sleep tonight.

The fact that you're sleeping on the boat tomorrow night triggers so many fears I had forgotten I had.  One day not so many months in the future you're going to go far away from here and be gone for months and months.  

It makes me panic a little bit, love.

As 2:00 turns to 3:00 and this sleepless night drags on, though, my panic slowly turns to clarity.

I have so much growing to do, so much learning, so much stretching.  It's so easy to draw my strength from you, love.  You're so good, so strong, so wise.  But I need to find my strength in Jesus.  It's the only way I'll survive emotionally.

I am a mess.  

He is strong enough, though.  He's got me.

I'll be okay.