shattered poetry

Just when I had thought my last tear was finally spent
Just when I thought maybe I was strong
Reality shatters all my defenses
Love & loss
Sorrowful joy
Reunions and goodbyes
The not knowing how I can survive
Not knowing how to be strong
The knowing that I need to be.

God, be my strength, my portion, my endurance.
Father, be my Rock, my shelter.

I can't carry on
So carry me.
Carry me.
Please carry me.

The tears fall unstopped,
I long since became powerless against gravity.
Pooling and spilling down.
I'm weak more often than strong,
Shattered more often than complete.

Nothing left.
So find me here.
Find me here.
Please find me.

I'm broken at your feet, Daddy,
in a way I've never been broken before.
Gone are my defenses,
gone is my strength.
Gone is my emotional health,
my coping mechanisms.

I'm shattered,
I'm broken,
I'm unable to carry on,
unable to see the light.

I need you.

Give me purpose in this season.
Give me joy in the sorrow.
Please don't take the sorrow because the sorrow is a reminder of love.

Each of these tears are precious,
They pull my heart out with each drop,
but they remind me that the love I have has meaning.

I would change these circumstances,
but if I did, I wouldn't know the strength of this love,
and so
I wouldn't change a thing.

Even in the darkness,
I wouldn't change a thing.