We are so quick to judge those around us, so quick to anger, so quick to avenge and revenge. We don't hesitate to allow righteous indignation to fill and consume us, don't hesitate to condemn our [former] friends, don't hesitate to allow bitterness to overcome love. And tonight as I pondered the failings of those around me, the hearts broken, the lives in pieces, the loneliness and the uncertainty of unrequited love, tonight as I allowed my heart to fill with a mixture of a little sorrow and more than a little anger, the truth of the situation came crashing down on me like a ton of bricks. All of these things I see and despise in other people? All of the things that make me swear to defend the honor of my wounded brothers and sisters? I either am or possess the very real possibility to do and be these things. I am that which I despise. The logs I see in others' eyes are distorted reflections of what is in my own.
The weight of knowing what I am capable of is somewhat crippling. It takes the proverbial wind out of my sails. It's humbling to know that I could conceivably become what I despise, that I could hurt those I love most. And yet, that's the reality of it. At any moment a series of bad decisions could leave me deeply hurting those I love. In fact, I know I've done it before, and so often I semi-successfully rationalized my actions as righteous. I watch others do things I either have done or have the capability of doing and judge them, not seeing that life is so much clearer from the outside looking in.
And so I fight once more to love without reservation or grudge, without judgment or strings attached. I fight to see myself as the worst of sinners, saved by the wonderful grace of God but proven to be a hopeless sinner. I fight to see others as beloved of God before all else.
God, have mercy on me, a sinner. The worst of sinners.
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