"You are making me new"

I spend a lot of time concerned with the way I appear to other people.  Depending on the day, I wish I were stronger, more talented, less opinionated, or more feminine.  You name it, I probably have wished it about myself.  You see, I spend a lot of time thinking about what could be, if only I were different.  I spend a lot of time thinking about how to fix the wrong things, how to capitalize on the tolerable things.  I think about "me" all the time and it's a losing battle.  I can't fix me.  I'm hopelessly flawed, both in terms of things I could theoretically fix and things over which I have no control.

I spent the last two years getting a masters in history.  The constant research and being surrounded 24/7 by academia left my faith very academic in nature.  After graduation, I moved about as far away geographically and culturally as possible, and it was a rough transition for a while.  I found it so difficult to relate to other Christians.  I spent quite a bit of time reading theological stuff, trying to transition into a life not characterized by academia.  I read "The Cost of Discipleship" by Dietrich Bonhoeffer toward the end of the summer.  Bonhoeffer really convicted me because he talked about the cost of following Christ, and the need for a conscious decision to die to oneself in following.  I didn't know how to handle it, because I feel as if my work life runs separate from my personal life.  I don't know how to mesh my faith into all areas of my life.  I asked God to show me the way to follow Him, though.

I think He's answering my prayer.  He's lined up so many things in the past few weeks - an accountability partner, random books that I have come across all on that same topic of following Christ in a real sort of way and what that means practically (namely "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan), and a sermon video last night at church by John Piper that talked about what it means to follow Christ.

What if I stopped living life so focused on me?  What if my heart's cry became God and His glory rather than my own?

What I've come away with is this:

1) what I think about myself matters very little.  My intelligence, attractiveness, or personality traits matter very little because God created me as I am.  I am here for God.
2) following Jesus involves learning to love God.  Like, really love God.  Desire him more than all else.  I need to actively cultivate a relationship with Christ.  It's not okay to simply believe certain things or try to do certain things.  All of it is empty and futile without a relationship with God.  This seems so basic, but it's something I have all but walked away from in my pursuit of academic answers.
3) following Jesus involves making much of God.  It involves practical decisions about my life, my job, my finances, my family, my everything.  Everything needs to be centered around my relationship with God and making Him known.

Only then will I be truly following Christ.