sad days

Ya know, life can be downright hard sometimes.  It's a constant battle not to give into utter frustration.  Little things that shouldn't matter add up to major internal battles.  I war with myself, with God, with my emotions. I wonder if I should change something about myself, or if I simply need to give my cares to God.  I'm trying to be strong, trying to be confident, but sometimes that's difficult.  It's a beautiful but very hard thing to move somewhere far from home and the support system I had there.  It's hard to be so very alone and know there's really no hope of that changing in the foreseeable future.  It's hard to battle between my identity as a Christian and the crap that is thrown at me left and right from the culture around me.  It's hard to wrestle with my identity, to figure out what God would have me be.  It's hard to boldly follow Jesus into those places where I have no control.  Incredibly hard.

So I'm just hanging on.  Day by day.  If not tomorrow, certainly the next will be better.  Certainly life won't always feel this desperate, this sad.  Certainly God is faithful, and certainly He knows what He's doing with my life.  I'm trusting He's big enough to deal with my flaws and failures.  Because He is.  I serve an amazing God.