surrender

That thing that keeps me from focusing on God fully is the thing that I most enjoy about my new life here in Georgia.

That’s hard to face.

And also hard to know what to do about, because it’s so beyond my control, living in the realm of emotion.  How do I give a desire to God?  Desire seems so beyond my control.  I can ask God to change my desires…but to be honest, that’s so scary to do.  Holding onto my desires is too easy and too fun.  To let go is to face the empty void once more of a life out of my control.

What sort of change of mind is required to surrender all?  I do know that it will require a constant re-surrendering.  But I need to do so, because at the moment I cannot let anything stand in the way of relentless pursuit of Christ.

God, I give You my desires, my most deeply held wishes and dreams.  I give you my hopes, my plans, all those things to which I am constantly looking forward.  I give it all to You, and I trust You with my heart and with my life.  I trust You to give me the best kind of life, a life that is at the center of Your will.  I trust that You will be there for me when it’s hard, when it’s lonely, and when I question what on earth You’re doing with me.  

The hardest part, God, is that desire is so all-encompassing.  Even in giving this to You, I find myself secretly hoping that giving this to You will mean You’ll give it back.  And in that insidious hope, the truth is exposed; I’m not surrendering a thing.  

Please know, God, that when I say I am surrendering, I am committing to a daily surrender.  I am committing to You no matter the cost.  Yes, I may not be perfect in my surrender, but I surrender to You the right to my future.  My future is Yours.