here and now

I grow and I change and I realize just how stupid I have been.  I look into the future from the perspective of the present and realize just how crazy life is.  Just how far I've come, and just how much I'm grateful for every painful step of the way, because it brought me here, to this moment.  For in this moment is indescribable peace and joy.  Joy of belonging, and joy for what life will bring.  Not because I have any idea, but because here it is good.  Here it is right. 

I'm just one step along the way toward the end goal, just a few tears have fallen, many will come.  I will make mistakes, I will fall.  I will destroy things.  But I'll pick myself up again, confident in the grace of God.  I will cry, and I will plead.  I will find seemingly insurmountable frustration and pain.

And yet, in living life for today, and for the joy that is present in the here and now, I find indescribable peace.  Despite what could and might and will happen, I'm here.  I'm now.  And tomorrow will take care of itself.  It always has, it always will.  Yesterday, today was tomorrow.  Yesterday, today was full of uncertainty.  Today it is here.  One day older, one day wiser.  One day closer.

Learning to live for today isn't easy.  I seek control, always I want to know what tomorrow will bring.  But knowledge is naught but pain.  Because tomorrow is tomorrow, and today is today.  Today is God's, and so is tomorrow.  Mine is only today.