pressing on

I'm trying very hard to live my life as my own.  To live responsibly, to live justly, to live constantly aware of the broken world which I am called to love, to serve, to give my life.   And it's so hard.  It's so hard to follow my heart and my convictions - the pull of others' perceptions, my unstable emotions, and a constantly rebelling intellect make this calling nigh impossible at times.

I'm trying very hard to live no one's life but my own.  I'm trying not to worry about what others may think, how they may judge me and find me lacking.  I'm trying not to concern myself with dogmas and with prejudice, because all of this rubbish only holds me back from following this path as it leads me to a new sort of life.

I'm an adult now.  It's time to start living like one.  To embrace the life God has given me, to embrace the experiences He has put in my path, and to full heartedly serve Him with everything I am, not everything I think I should be or with everything I once was.  But with everything I am.  This, I believe, is my calling, and it's not easy.

I am reminded, though, that no one ever said it'd be easy.