Ever had one of those times in life where the sweet was bitter and the bitter was sweet, to such an extent that ups were down and downs were up?  Today I feel like that.  "Oh crap oh crap oh crap" plays repeatedly in my head and my emotions careen between between bitter and sweet and a terrifying mixture of both with more speed than a 747.  I swallow the emotion in order to function.  I fight against cliches because they don't do me a bit of good.  And I paste on a smile because there's really nothing else for me to do.

But part of me is not okay.  I'm terrified.  I'm graduating in 4 months and my safety net of here and now will be shattered. The future will await.  The future with all its decisions and unknowns.  And in crashes the bittersweet.  The weight of decisions, the burden of commitment, the knowledge that the future is very much mine.

I wish I could just sit around and let life happen.