the power of fear

Last spring, I blogged here about a quest for the truth on which I was about to embark.  I wrote that I did not want this time of questioning to be characterized by fear, but rather faith that my God is big enough to lead me to the truth.

And here I am.  I've questioned, I've agonized, I've started looking into theology more deeply.  I've allowed myself to step outside of the box to which I had previously limited myself.  And it's been a wild ride.  I've questioned heaven, hell, and salvation.  I've struggled with the knowledge that my reading of God's Word will always be hopelessly influenced by perspective, upbringing, and bias.  I've had so many good conversations with so many wonderful friends.  

This journey is by no means over.  It is only beginning, and I am becoming increasingly convinced that it will continue indefinitely.  

Tonight, though, I've been thinking a lot about fear.  Fear - that thing that I have come to realize keeps many Christians in the fold.  That thing that almost ended my faith.  Debilitating fear.  Fear that polarizes, that deceives, and that destroys.  

As an evangelical Christian, I was taught that my way of reading the Bible was the absolute truth.  I was taught to distrust the alternatives.  I was taught that the Bible's truth was self-evident, but that it was only self-evident if one limited it to evangelical Christianity's neatly defined boxes.  This fear of the alternatives had a polarizing effect; when I began to question doctrine, I feared that if I didn't believe one thing, I wouldn't believe any of the rest.  I feared that to read the Bible in a different manner would result in the loss of my salvation.  

This fear shows up in so many contexts.  Not all religious.  Conservatives label anyone who doesn't fit into the  parameters of the far right as liberal.  Liberal unequivocally equals evil.  Conservatives define themselves as "the way it's always been done" and in so doing rob history of truth.  

It seems power is all about having a monopoly on truth.  If one has enough pull to convince one's followers of the absolute veracity and gravity of one's viewpoint, power results.  One's followers are paralyzed to protest, as protesting means denying the truth.  

I believe in absolute truth.  Absolutely and unequivocally.  Truth exists, and God is Truth.

I do not believe that anyone has a monopoly on that truth here on earth, though.  Not Lutherans, not Muslims, not Mormons, not atheists, not the far right, and certainly not evangelicals.  We are all our own brand of confused and misguided.  My faith in the veracity of my beliefs only goes so far as to assert the unquestionable  Truth of God.  

Is this scary?  Yes.  It means that I may very well get to the end of my life and find out just how wrong I was.  

It is not, however, as if I do not believe that Jesus is the Christ.  I believe that enough to stake my life on it.  I believe that in Jesus is life, salvation, and hope.  I live as a witness to that life, salvation, and hope.  

I do not, however, claim to understand the Bible.  I read it, I strive to understand, and every once in a while I catch a glimpse of a God who strikes fear and awe and love into my heart.  But I revolt against a system which claims its interpretation of the God found in Scripture to be the only one.  The God of Scripture is a big God, one who defies categorization or explanation.  He is worthy of my worship, not my categorization.  He is worthy of my humble service, not my proud claim to have finally understood him.

After all, God became man in the humblest way imaginable.  God loved, served, suffered, and died.  He taught his followers to do the same.

Matthew 23:15 - "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when you have succeeded, you make them twice as much a child of hell as you are."