the problem with anger

I.

I've learned over the course of my quarter century on this planet how to hold onto anger every now and then.  Usually it starts rather innocently, with someone slighting me or hurting me in some way; maybe they didn't even mean to do it.  I attempt to give them the benefit of the doubt, but anger sidles in nevertheless.  As time moves on, I find myself more and more committed to the path of anger.  And then suddenly I'm up to my neck in anger; it affects all of the relationships connected to the anger-filled one, making them strained and complicated on the best of days.

I need to let go.

II.

I learned early on to be angry at injustice.  The day Bill Clinton was re-elected I was two things.  I was angry.  And I was afraid.  The day Obama was first elected I was the same thing.  Angry and afraid.

Fear.  That thing which keeps us all bound, which serves as a constant reminder that life is not at all within our control.

I believe fear leads to anger.

I've been striving for several years now to keep fear out of my life, but in making the choice to not fear what I don't understand, I discovered that it's way too easy to pretend to not be afraid by being angry.  If I'm ranting and raving and hiding behind the pitch and volume of my words, maybe they won't see how afraid I am.

If I post smart looking links on my facebook wall, if I win the political argument, if I accuse someone of racism or sexism or whatever-ism, maybe they won't know.

But I know.

I need to let go.

III.

"Perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment." (1 John 4:18 NIV)

Those words haunt me with their simple beauty and truth.  They are the words I want to build my life around.

Unafraid.

Forgiving the slightest and the largest grievances.

Loving without fear.

Because I am perfectly loved.