the one thing i'm sure about

The one thing I know is that I don't know much.

The past three days have been an absolute crazy mess of conflict, internal and external.  I've been forced to think deeply about a lot of pretty large issues, and there have been a lot of long and involved conversations with amazing friends who have challenged me and supported me through my fear and questioning.

And I've come to one conclusion.

I don't know much.

I have not "arrived" on any single issue.  I do not possess certainty about anything.  Anything.  Everything is up for debate.  I trust God is a God of love.  I trust that Jesus died for me.  I trust that I am saved by Him alone, that I am called to love others.

But beyond that, I'm realizing that it's folly to think I'll ever have anything figured out.  And this realization is both terrifying and liberating.  Terrifying because I have always believed there to be an absolute truth out there somewhere that is within reach, and that belief is proving itself to be false.  Life is proving to be a constant struggle to trust Jesus, to lay my questions at His feet, to actively seek answers, but to accept that the "actively seek" is more important than the "answers."  The answers exist, yes, but I am hopelessly flawed and won't be arriving at them anytime soon.  God is Truth and Love, and I cannot approach that without being consumed and destroyed.  Liberating for reasons impossible to put into words.

One of these days I'll blog about something concrete again.  I've been starting and failing to finish so many blog posts in recent days.  I've been thinking about all sorts of concrete things, like homosexuality, racism, the Holocaust, abortion, feminism, and nationalism's impact on Christianity.  But every time I go to write about these things, I'm reminded of how little I really know.  And I invariably stop writing.

So, I'm sorry.  I wanted to be so much more regular at posting here than I have been, and I pray that the hiatus doesn't last forever, but for now I find myself not at a loss for words, but at a loss for coherency and reasonable certainty.