You Don't Even Want to Know

I wrote this some time ago...just found it on my computer now and thought I'd post it.

You don't even want to know how many times I was tempted to sell you down the river. 
How many times I convinced myself that this was all such a terrible idea,
how many times I considered jumping ship. 

You don't even want to know what a daily struggle it was to maintain joy. 
How difficult it was to value our friendship,
how soul-wrenching it was to love you. 

You don't even want to know how real were my emotions,
how all-encompassing,
the way they warped everything into a new reality.

A reality where you were the enemy.

It was moments like these that I used to run
Running is the easy way
the fresh-start, forget-about-it-all sort of way

This way, you're always here,
Always on my mind,
Forever on my heart.

Your joy is my pain,
Your fulfillment my emptiness
Your milestones my reminder.

And, really,
entirely honestly,
I wouldn't have it any other way.