I usually keep my walls up pretty high. This is me letting them down, even if just a tad. I am letting them down because in the moments when I let the emotion in, I recognize how much hope I hold, in spite of my proclaimed skepticism.
In high school I was a hopeless romantic when it came to dating and marriage. I had committed to not dating in high school, so I figured when college came around that would change. It didn't. The vast majority of the time I have been out of high school has been spent single. At some point, I became highly skeptical. Skeptical of my ability to fall in love, skeptical even that love even exists, except in rare occasions. I began to see people who marry as weak in some way, or misguided, or foolish, if only because this protected my emotional state.
Mostly, though, I have become increasingly skeptical that love will ever happen to me, and even skeptical of my need for it.
I'm still skeptical. I mean, my life is great as is, and if it weren't for the constant inundation in television, movies, books, and just life in general that reminds me that marriage is the ultimate goal, I think I might be just fine with life as is. I love the people in my life deeply and being single affords me so many opportunities.
But there are moments when I realize what a lie it is to claim that I don't want to fall in love. There are moments when a song touches a chord deep in my soul; when I realize that I, too, am capable of love, even if some days it seems about as likely as a UFO touching down in my back yard.
Today is one of those days. Today is a day when I dare to dream of love.
The guy will have to be pretty perfect, though. :)
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