dear customer, sincerely me.

I don't think I'll ever look at a clothing store the same way again. Following is a (somewhat passive-aggressive) list of things I'd like to tell my (wonderful, I promise) customers. I'm preaching to the choir...although I hope I wasn't ever as bad as some people I encounter.

1) If you unfold it, at least make a semblance of an effort to put it back in its place in a somewhat folded manner. And, if you don't, at least don't unfold the entire table.

2) Yes, I work here, and, no, I don't know a thing about any of the merchandise besides (if you're lucky) the location and price. So don't ask me which stroller is the best or what size shirt your child is. Just because I'm a female does not mean that I have had children or know everything there is about rearing one. Because I know next to nothing.

3) I'm not invisible, just like you're not blind. Yes, I work here and, no, I don't intend to make a career out of it. And even if I did find my life's work here, I'm still not invisible. I promise. I have a life outside of this store.

4) Some of y'alls' kids are hilarious. Some of them make me want to never, ever, EVER have children. In any case, child-who-had-a-lengthy-conversation-with-your-father-about-whether-or-not-the-fire-breathing-dragon-toy-could-actually-breathe-real-fire, you made my day. Thanks for the laugh. :)

5) Dear customers, please, please, pretty please, do not open the boxes without asking me to help. And in no circumstances is it EVER okay to set up an entire playpen-bassinet set in the aisle. Look at the picture on the box. Or, have you ever heard of returns? If you do feel some intense need to set up the play-pen in the aisle, either (worst case scenario) make some semblance of an effort to take it down and put it back in the box, or (best case scenario) BUY THE PLAY PEN afterwards. Do you realize that now no one will EVER buy that play pen, and we'll have to put up with an opened/ripped box for weeks and weeks? And that now every customer who walks through will feel as if they are licensed to repeat your rude actions? Although I appreciate the experience in collapsing children's equipment, I don't appreciate it THAT much. Who needs to know that anyway? Especially me. I don't have kids, remember?

6) For those of you who feel the need to open the underwear bags, may I remind you that no one will buy an opened underwear bag, but I still have to tape it up and put it back on the shelf? Also, for those of you who open the underwear bags and steal one or two out of each, you are despicable.

7) Dear customer who felt the need to leave a box of nerds on a clothing shelf with a hole on the bottom that then spilled all over everything when I tried to pick it up, there are no words.

8) Who opens a candy bar in the store, eats half of it, and then sets it on a shelf? Not only is that shop-lifting, but it's ridiculous. If you're going to steal it, eat the whole candy bar.

9) To those rare but beautiful customers to whom these messages do not apply in the slightest, you are wonderful. Thank you for making me feel human.