Today I arrived at a controversial conclusion.

I've been wavering for weeks (well, actually more like years) now.  Unsure how to reconcile my heart and my head, my experience with my upbringing, the new with the old.  I had thought I had come to a conclusion,  but that conclusion held no peace.  Today, for the first time, I felt incredible peace.

Today I gave tours of the mansion on the island.  This afforded me long stretches of time to myself.  Time to think, time to pray, time to read, time to listen to a sermon a friend sent me.  Time to play Angry Birds.

On the drive back to the ferry dock, I was overwhelmed with a sense of peace.  I prayed, "Father, if this is not of You, take away this peace.  Change my heart, my heart is Yours and I want Your way."  No sense of unease accompanied this prayer.

Today I took a leap of faith.  Today I became a woman who for the first time in her life fully embraced her gifts, strengths, and even weaknesses.  Today I committed to submission and to leadership, both in their seasons.  Today I committed to following God wherever He takes me, even if it means stepping out of my comfort zone and taking the lead.  Today I allowed myself to dream without guilt.

Today I allowed myself to be a "feminist" in all of the term's ambiguity and controversial nature.  Today I chose to live without fear.