dancing in the rain

I remember the moments I thought life changing. The countless times when I've thought my life would never be the same, that from that moment forward I was going to walk in a new direction. That prayer I prayed, that pledge I made, that week at summer camp, that lease I signed, that job I took.

Sure, those moments did change the course of my life. And yet, I believe heart-level change never comes in a moment. True change is a long process that comes softly...when one day I wake up and realize I barely recognize myself.

I have those moments frequently now, because I believe that in many ways I have slowly changed over the course of the past five years. I don't view the world the same anymore, I don't view faith the same anymore...

Or is it really change at all? As the world moves around me, as I grow older, as the people and places surrounding me change, am I any different?

Sure, I'm less naive, more jaded, better educated, more (and less) confident...I am all of those things.

But hiding somewhere deep inside I'm still the little girl running barefoot through the grass and riding trikes for hours on end just because I can. I'm still the camp counselor with a simple faith dancing barefoot in the rain. I'm still that high school sophomore playing Barbies with my sisters because we haven't lost our love for "pretend." I'm still a hopeless romantic waiting for my happy-ever-after.

The world changes around me, my vocabulary and modes of expression shift, and yet...I am unchanged. There's something deeply comforting about that. Even as I strive to be more mature and fit in in this adult world, I long to never lose my child-like heart.

The other day as I was walking to campus it began to downpour. I had no raincoat, no umbrella... My flip-flops quickly became a hazard, and I joined the hipster crowd and walked the rest of the way to school barefoot. Although I don't normally do things like this anymore, there was something so exhilarating about the rain... it brought me back to a world where it was cool to run barefoot in the rain, where mud slides and mud fights characterized a rainy day.

Sometimes I miss that world.

Next time it rains, I'll be prepared.