favorites: Dekker and The Bride Collector

I just finished a really good book by Ted Dekker: The Bride Collector. I spent pretty much the entire book wondering what the point was, and got to the last 10 pages, and it suddenly made sense. I've missed reading for "fun." One of the themes of the book, besides the idea that God loves each of us as his "favorite," was mental illness. Dekker seems to want to argue that mental illness is not what society has labeled it as - that it is a label that has little inherent value or meaning. There is so much truth in that, I think. It's so easy to want to think of oneself as "normal." The main character of the book, although suffering from psychotic breaks, honestly believed herself to not be psychotic. And this perspective allowed her to fight it.

Sometimes I find myself wondering somewhat the opposite. Am I really as normal as I would like to believe? I'm not saying that I believe I have some diagnosable or measurable illness. I do think it is important, however, to recognize the insanity present in everyone. I've been seeing it in myself over the past few months. There are so many ways in which I'm completely crazy. There are so many times when my fragile hold on the world seems to be on the verge of breaking entirely, so many times when I feel entirely powerless (mentally speaking) in the face of insurmountable obstacles. And yet, my incompetence and even insanity has no effect on the way that God sees me - as a woman infinitely worthy of His love. As His favorite. As forgiven and cleansed. My normalcy has no importance. My health, my appearance, and my achievements fall entirely short in the face of this love.

The notion that mental illness is a social construct is not entirely foreign to me, and the fact that it is such a central theme in Dekker's book makes me wonder about his exposure to theorists such as Foucault. I should read Madness and Civilization again, although not because I feel as if his perspective is at all correct. Just to clarify. :)

Break has been good. I haven't accomplished much (besides reading Bride Collector). Mostly I've just watched tv, hung out with friends and family, mastered tripeaks on Facebook, and messed with my profile picture so that each of my mini pictures at the top of my profile form part of my larger profile picture. (fun stuff, btw, facebooktiles.com if you're interested)

I've felt massively lazy much of the time. I was never burned out by school - a break feels more like I'm just finding an excuse to be lazy. I dunno. I'm going to be ready to start it all up again. Purpose returning to my life will not be bad. Not bad at all. And yet, I still have over a week here and a long weekend in Bellingham before classes begin. I suppose I could start being productive here and now. And yet, it's good to just think. Thinking about nothing allows me to think about deeper things. Reading "pointless" books like Bride Collector has allowed me to consider things that I may not have considered left to my own devices.