realizations

So, today I worked at T.O.D. instead of going to church...not my first choice, but I sorta got manipulated into it and before I realized what had happened my name was on the schedule and it was too late. It is definitely a wise decision if you want to make money. I ran my butt off all day and made $100 for my efforts. I had...let's see...at least 6 tables with over 5 people (one table had 14 people, another had 11, the others were 5-6 people) and sold almost $700 in food. It was insanity, but in a good way. At the end of my shift Jan asked me if I wanted to work more Sundays for them. I declined, although I did say (stupid me) that if they ever needed someone desperately they could ask me and I'd see what I could do. I feel bad asking for their single most busy lunch shift off every week, but because churches around here don't have Saturday night services, I don't feel as if I have much of a choice.

It was fun though. Although I have no desire to waitress for the rest of my life, I do REALLY enjoy it. I love people and there's something incredibly energizing about having the opportunity to serve them. It's stressful, but in a good way. I hope that makes sense... sometimes, it gets stressful in a bad way, but that's only if people are angry or upset with me or if things aren't happening quickly enough.

I've realized that I am one of the best waitresses there, which is a really weird realization for me to come to. Up until now I've always thought of myself as the newbie...but now there are a lot of people working there who have worked there months less than I have. I have started realizing how appreciated I am by my bosses, and how customers actually like to have me as their server instead of questioning me as to where Audrey is (the other lady who works mornings). I am forming relationships (shallow, yes) with the regulars, and I am realizing how valuable I am to the restaurant. They'd be sunk without me, if only because I have more experience than a lot of the others and am more dependable than almost anyone else there. It's a good feeling.

This has confirmed for me once again that my personality is based largely around pleasing people. I am motivated by the knowledge that I am making others happy. I am also incredibly competitive. If you put me into a situation, I strive to be the best. If I don't succeed, I usually do not pursue that activity any more than is absolutely necessary. I am not sure how I feel about this realization. It kinda sucks to realize that my self-worth is tied up in what people think of me. I wish I could be free of that need to please. However, I also believe that this drive to please other people is what has made me so successful in life. It frees me up to have the opportunity to pursue every option until I find the thing that I am truly passionate about. Not only is this an area where I have won the approval of others, but I also truly love it. Combining these two factors makes studying history something that I am ready to do for the rest of my life.

Thank you, T.O.D. for confirming this for me. :)