the end of "church?"

Today I had the most incredible conversation. It wasn't at a small group, it wasn't at church, and it wasn't at a bible study. (most of the really good conversations don't happen at those places, anyway, sadly enough.) It happened spontaneously, and it changed so much for me.

Ironically enough, this conversation ended up being about the end of church as an institution. But that's getting ahead of myself...

The conversation in question began as a rather innocent discussion of the problems with doing "church" here in Washington (at least at the two churches represented in the conversation). Of the marketing schemes churches engage in in an attempt to drawn "seekers" in. The emphasis on evangelism in a "bring more people to our church rather than the one down the street" sort of way. The difficulty in getting people to come to Bible study, or if they come, to engage. The lack of true discipleship in favor of counting baptisms or numbers of people at the altar in a given year. The effort to gain members, to offer more "ministries," and to build a fancier building. The problem of trying to "church" an "unchurched" culture which sees no social obligation attached to church attendance.

I love the church that I attend. Or, perhaps more accurately, I love the people that make it up. Although we're not perfect (who is?), this post is not directed at any specific church. Rather, this post is directed at the ideal type American church. Basically, this post is directed at my perception of what "church" in America has become about.

Anyway, back at the ranch (figuratively speaking, of course), the conversation moved to my probable relocation next year, and the type of church I would look for after I move. My honest answer? I'm not sure that what I'm looking for in an "ideal church" (a hopelessly hypocritical contradiction in and of itself, given that one of the things that drives me nuts about American church is the need to find a church that perfectly caters to the perceived needs of the individual seeking a church) exists in the walls of a church building.

I think the church is dying, or at least is on its way to dying. Maybe it's already dead in any real sense. After all, on what is an institution built (even if built on an entirely true creed) if its members do not love their neighbors? If its members do not long for the things of God with every breath, what is its purpose? An elaborate social networking place? A place to hang out, to be served, and to go home feeling fed? What is the point of "truth" if it does not result in sacrificial love and service to the broken?

What I'm looking for is this: A small group of individuals who meet together regularly, (but in relative secret - see Matt 6:5 for my rationale), to pursue God together. A group who is committed to each other no matter the cost. A safe place where there is no "off topic" conversation topic. A group without a paid leader, without a budget of any kind, except an offering for the sole purpose of service to the hurting, broken, and lacking. A group who shares with one another as if they were blood relatives. A group who takes discipleship seriously, who is not afraid to walk the hard road, and who always pursues the narrow and elusive path of hardship even in the easy times. A group that is composed of believers who live sacrificially, loving their neighbors more than themselves. Believers that live fully in the world, loving the tax collectors and sinners - never forgetting that what they do to the least of these, they do to Jesus. A group that does "not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing," but also does not equate "church" with "best way of meeting together." I'm looking for a place where I can love God, where I can seek Him, where I can grow in my walk with him, where I can make disciples (and be discipled), and where I can lead and serve both my brothers and sisters and the world at large. Not so I can make a difference or change the world, but because I am coming to the conclusion that life is not about winning converts to a creed but about remaining true to Christ's call to love our neighbor as we love ourselves, no matter the personal cost.

That's what I want in a "church" (and I use that term loosely). And it's awfully utopian and awfully unrealistic. And I promise I don't want a cult. But it's what I want. Part of me hopes that this could spring from the church as it is now. A large part, because it would be so much less painful. But I believe that something big needs to change, and I want to give my life in pursuit of it.