little me

Life is so often lived backwards. I make mistakes and must deal and live with the regret - if only I would have done that differently, said that thing, not said that other thing, been more assertive, more humble, etc., etc., etc. I'm so thankful that my life isn't about me and my mistakes.

It's so hard to know how to be. It's hard to know what to do, what not to do. It's a constant, often losing battle to honor God. The world would have me think that my life is about me, that sin is just a figment of my imagination, that guilt is unnecessary as long as I make myself happy. It's hard to combat that lie sometimes, because it comes at me from so many directions. It's insidious - sometimes I realize that I am living as if sin and guilt didn't exist.

I'm just little me. My impact is non-existent, and all my best efforts to reach out get me no where. The temptation is to think I'm something, to think that I can achieve big things, that I can change hearts, and that I can make a big impact. And I constantly have to remember that I am nothing. Humility is so crucial, and yet so hard to exercise. I want so badly to live a life that aims only to offer everything as an act of worship to God, because in the end that's all that matters. He'll take little me and use me for something big, but never because of me.