reflections

I've had a lot of time to think in the past few days. Following is some of what I have been thinking about.

I'm an introvert, and I think the way that works out in my life is that I'm not a huge fan of small talk or casual conversation that lasts for any length of time. When I'm hanging out with people, I appreciate being able to withdraw and simply be a wallflower for random periods of time. I get exhausted trying to carry on a continuous conversation, especially when it's about surfacey things and I need to be polite. On the other hand I have no problem having long conversations about deep, heart things. When I'm spending time with someone I don't know very well, there's nothing that annoys me more than when they insist on talking all the time. I'd much rather we both agree to just coexist in silence. This happens at work sometimes... I'd rather just hang out in silence than expend energy just talking about lame things like how hot it is outside or if the welcome center has been busier or slower than usual. And I understand this is a personality thing...so I don't hold it against those who feel the need to talk for hours on end about pointless things. But I came home from work tonight exhausted...

I think the past eight months at home has changed me back into what I was before college. Not in a bad way...I mean, I have kept certain things from college. However, as I accept the fact that college is over, and as I learn to live without my friends from college, I find myself being more and more ok with things like the fact that I have no friends here. I am beginning to pick up some of my old past times and interests. I have rediscovered a love for Diet Coke, Zoegirl, and reading fiction. At the same time, though, I am holding on to my passion for history, and I consider myself to be somewhat more confident and talkative in professional situations than I was a few years ago. But it's strange, because I feel more at home here than I left for college, and now it's time to leave. Forever.

It's strange how much my life is revolving around the future this summer, and yet how much I'm enjoying my time here (when I'm not working at least). I didn't know that would be possible, but it's turning out very possible.