brain=mush

This blog started as me recording the mundane details of my day-to-day life. I think it is becoming something else now.

I visited NW this weekend. It was really good to be back again. I went to a western civ class today, which made me miss studying Nazi Germany so much. I finished up grad school stuff tonight...now the final stretch of waiting begins.

That's about all the mundane recording of my life that I can handle right now. Instead, I really want to share what's been on my mind lately.

I've been thinking about calling. It's hard for me to be content with my waitressing job. It's hard for me to wait for grad schools to get back to me, wondering if it's all going to work out...and it's hard for me to surrender everything to God and let Him be in control. I miss school, though. I miss that feeling that I'm doing what I am passionate about, even if I do procrastinate on occasion. I miss the feeling of the "lightbulb" coming on and the way that hypothesis form as I read about a particular subject. I guess I could be studying on my own, but I'm not that motivated. So I read a few pages here and there from a book on Nazi Germany that I am reading (at snail's pace), but otherwise do little productive with my time. I guess I just feel lazy, maybe. Going to NW is fun, but it's also hard to not have homework when everyone else does. I wish I had a private tutor or something who'd assign me homework so I could continue learning. I seriously feel like my brain is turning to mush.