random and inconsequential ponderings on life, love, and the pursuit of happyness

Me getting a job by the end of June will require an act of God.  And for the most part, I'm entirely okay with that, because I trust God to take care of me.  He always has, he always will.  Today's setbacks are tomorrow's opportunities.  It's frustrating sometimes, though.  Frustrating to get rejection after rejection for jobs for which I am almost certain I am fully qualified.  It's frustrating to be a number in a system and to have my response to an automated questionaire decide my fate.  It's frustrating to know I'm competing against everyone and their mom for these jobs.  It's frustrating to feel so helpless.  But that's life.  I know I will be happy whatever I end up doing, so long as it pays the bills (which, coincidentally, will be hefty come December and the crashing down of student loan payments), even if it's folding baby clothes at good ol' Wally's World.  Is it too much, though, to want a job that pays 30k a year...just enough to scrape by comfortably?  I suppose it may be.  

For now, I collect monopoly tickets at my local grocery store and hope to win their $25k cash prize.  That'd be the ticket.  

I've been thinking a lot lately about the ways living on my own in a far away place has changed me.  Forgive me if I list some of them off the top of my head.  It's always fun to look back and see where I've come from and what I've become.

1) I'm so much more independent and fearless (mostly).  I'll go anywhere, I'll do pretty much anything.  I'll fly wherever the wind blows, and I will love it.  I always knew there was a little of Pa Ingalls in me, but it's ever more apparent now.

2) I am a lot less naive, and a lot less innocent.  This isn't wholly good, I suppose, but it is what it is.  I would like to think I have not lost my childlike joy for little things in life that make it good, nor do I think I have lost my ability to see the good in people.  

3) I have not lost my faith; if anything it's stronger.  It's different, sure.  I wouldn't even say it's less certain.  A certain amount of realism has become a part of who I am, though.  I don't spout Sunday School answers, I'm no longer a summer camp counselor Christian.  I'd be terrible at being a counselor...although it occurs to me that's a somewhat valid summer job option.  Ok, not really.  Actually.....duuuuuude.  I just realized how epically amazing (and so strange and challenging) that could be.  Anyway.  You know, the fact I am even considering that is odd to me.

4) My music tastes are ENTIRELY different.  I listen to people like Christina Perri now.  My tastes are largely secular.  My 3 years ago self would have balked

5) I love spicy food. 

That is about it, I suppose.