my absolutes #2

This weird thing happened on Sunday morning.

I felt as if God was speaking to me through His Word, and in a way that I felt confident sharing.

I don't know if I have blogged about this before, but in the past few years, I've stopped feeling at all confident to share what God is teaching me.  I've stopped asking people what God is "teaching them" because it's so personally uncomfortable.  It's not so much that I'm not learning things, about my faith, about God, about what He wants from me.  It's more that I don't feel confident putting those things into words - I find myself afraid that I might be wrong...that I might have "heard" God incorrectly.

I realize how ridiculous the above is.

But it has been my reality.

That changed on Sunday morning in church.

I walked into worship team practice entirely distracted over being scammed out of a dollar at the gas station minutes before (long story not worth going into, because, after all, it was one dollar...).  For a while I was wondering how I was going to engage at all that morning, because I was so distracted.

And then, we were singing a song with lyrics about God's holiness, and I got to thinking about how unworthy I was to be singing those words, because if they're true...God doesn't deserve my half-hearted or entirely absent-hearted praise.  And I got to thinking about the ridiculousness of singing such words at all...we're horrible messed up people who live horrible messed up lives...and then we come to church and sing some praise songs, maybe tell ourselves we'll do better that week, and then go back to our horrible messed up lives.

And I was drawn to Isaiah 6:
 ¹ In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple. ² Above him were seraphim, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. ³ And they were calling to one another:

   “Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty;
   the whole earth is full of his glory.”

 ⁴ At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.

 ⁵ “Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty.”

 ⁶ Then one of the seraphim flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. ⁷ With it he touched my mouth and said, “See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for.”

 ⁸ Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”

   And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

 ⁹ He said, “Go and tell this people:

   “‘Be ever hearing, but never understanding;
   be ever seeing, but never perceiving.’
¹⁰ Make the heart of this people calloused;
   make their ears dull
   and close their eyes.^[a]
Otherwise they might see with their eyes,
   hear with their ears,
   understand with their hearts,
and turn and be healed.”

 ¹¹ Then I said, “For how long, Lord?”

   And he answered:

   “Until the cities lie ruined
   and without inhabitant,
until the houses are left deserted
   and the fields ruined and ravaged,
¹² until the LORD has sent everyone far away
   and the land is utterly forsaken.
¹³ And though a tenth remains in the land,
   it will again be laid waste.
But as the terebinth and oak
   leave stumps when they are cut down,
   so the holy seed will be the stump in the land.”

And I realized something.  Isaiah was confronted with the full holiness of God.  Right after the current king had died because of his decision to disregard the holiness of God.  He thought it was over.  Game over.  And then...  he was forgiven.  Simple as that.  Sins atoned for.  That was Jesus (there's a passage in Luke that confirms that interpretation).

And I realized the power of that.  Isaiah repented, recognized his sin...and it was taken away.  Simple as that. No barrier.  No darkness.

And, then, the natural reaction to such grace was to say "Here am I, send me."